Looking Forward
jo Crosby
Someone recently made the comment that I had a “Pollyanna like life”. Alluding to the premise that my life looked “too clean”, they questioned my ability to help with real problems. They expressed doubt that I could hear, see, and understand pain.
As I listened, I’d like to tell you that my brain came up with some fantastically smart, guiding words of wisdom, but here’s the word that popped up in the proverbial bubble over my head, “Hmm.“ (I know. It’s deep :)
Before I go further, let me clarify that this person was not being unkind; they were being serious. They were in pain (real pain), and I knew it. They were afraid. They were kicking the tires of counseling and wondering if I had enough grit to handle their grime. Hurting people do this. As a clinician, I’ve been trained to address this situation. I wasn’t rattled or worried and certainly not offended. I responded, as I’ve been equipped and with words more profound than “hmm”. As a Christ-follower, I leaned into Jesus for hope, kindness, peace, and encouragement. If I draw the water for the thirsty from his well, then it’s never about me anyway.
Still, the Pollyanna life words landed on my heart with a thud that’s been hard to shake. A thud that has caused me to ponder such questions as, “Have I hidden my scars to a fault? Am I real? Do I look like Jesus?” Scars and redemption, brokenness and wholeness – what to share/how much to share - this can be a delicate balance.
As I ponder, God has taken me back to a past moment. That moment when I knew that I could listen to pain again. That moment when I knew that my personal story was not the tipping point of my helping. That moment when I quietly listened as a man I barely knew explained his trauma over a 5-inch scar on his chest. Even today, I can recall his pain. I close my eyes and hear his words. I recall him hoping that his chest hair would eventually hide the incision. And, I clearly recall thinking, “Dude, if we compare chest scars, I’m going to win.” :) That moment….That moment when my personally-detailed story faded. That moment when my health eclipsed the visible evidence of the trial. That moment when I had something to offer beyond myself. That moment when my story was shaped by Who I belong to, rather than what I had been through. Wow! That was a good moment. A moment worth pulling close. A moment worth remembering.
My story has certainly not been scar free. I’ve lost my dignity in public. I’ve been needy, angry, sad, frustrated, helpless, and desperate. I’ve crawled before the throne of grace. I’ve begged there. My initial, proverbial bubble isn’t always filled in with a hallmark card moment. I have needed and received grace upon grace upon grace…. Buckets of love from Abba have glued me together. In truth, one touch from Jesus changed everything in my heart, my life, and my story. I am clean, because of him. The Living Water, that is Christ himself, has made me like bright, white snow. Jesus is Enough; this is my truth; and this is my story. This is the message I pray hangs over my office – flooding and filling it from floor to ceiling. May the help I offer to others be a reflection of what I have received rather than what I’ve been through. May I be both discerning and genuine in my counseling. May I live by grace.
“To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admitting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means.” ― Brennan Manning
Blessings,
Jo
As we enter a new year at Five Stones, will you consider supporting our ministry with prayer? Rachel, Marlene, John and I need prayer. We love our work, and we are humbled to be given the opportunity to work with so many precious people. We are grateful for God’s grace, and we believe grace changes everything. Daily we navigate delicately balanced situations. Daily, we listen to painful stories and offer hope. We desire to shine Light into the darkest of places. We are called to work in the emergency room of the heart. It can be messy, complex work. We face real opposition, and we would welcome your prayers. We want Christ to shape the countenance and the counseling in our offices. We want to step forward with the vision God has placed before us. As a team we often say, “God leads; we follow.” At the bottom of each counselor’s page (on this site) there are personal quotes. I encourage you to read them. I think they will give you an insight into the heart of Five Stones.
If you decide to join our prayer team, please let us know. We would love to hear from you. The Contact page has all the the information you need.