October Reflections
jo Crosby
October Reflections.
It’s a beautiful, sunny October afternoon. I should probably be cleaning house, but the swing of the hammock and the desire to write are a winning combination.
John and I traveled last week to the AACC Conference (American Association of Christian Counselors) to learn, to grow, and to connect. We came home with new books and ideas, fun, deep life lessons, and a strengthened connection with God and each other. We immediately fell into step with the work in our office and the additional work of planning for an upcoming marriage conference (more to be posted later). One of my take aways from AACC goes like this: Write more. Share more. Tell Your Story of Jesus.
As I reflect in my writing journal and pray for clarity, I see pages of thoughts and notes on trials and faith, grief, hope, emotions, and various personal ways that God reveals his love and grace. I am a self-professed doodler, so there are sketches and scribbles. There is poetry - some decent, some bad. All of it poured from my heart in an effort to capture the story God writes. I write to know him more and to be known by him. Writing is not hard; Sharing sometimes is. Because, in truth, I can be a private person.
It would be easy for me to glide my way through October and never share the pink part of my story. I’ve tucked the cancer trial neatly into the tapestry. It feels like a chapter written long ago. My house is not decorated with pink ribbons. Still, God pulls the chapter forth. The scars are a normal part of my life. I don’t linger over them, but I also realize they are not normal. The trial shaped me and shapes me to this day. I was sewn to be sown.
God, in all his faithfulness, loves me. His presence lead me to write these words. They have sat in the pages of my journal for some time. In sharing, I pray they help point the way toward him. This is the hope I hold in October.
On the trail, I see a trial splashed with pink
confusion and sadness; loss and fear,
— all spilled like a bottle of ink.
drip. drop. disease. ink blot.
there is a splotch in my chest.
On the pages of my story,
cancer is sprinkled like sugar cookie dust.
mutilation. restoration. hope inventory.
— sewn to be sown.
grace; page upon page of God at his best.
time passes.
my personal hourglass sifts.
I watch the hands on the grandfather clock
continue to circle the hours. the months. the years.
life. smiles. smells. humor. hair. memory. all returned.
Reflecting I look back to see…
I see a trail of green and cornflower blue.
I see splendor and beauty
—silverdust and starlight.
shades of life from periwinkle to black midnight.
Abba, I look back and see a trail of you!
I see help. hope. peace. love.
— daylilies. blueberries. each morning new.
Abba, I see your hands in guiding trust,
lift the pages of my story and blow away the dust.
Abba, your presence is the color of my heart,
and when you breathe, love fills the air,
and life fills me.
Blessings,
Jo Crosby
