Effective Accountability Partnerships

After twenty-five years in ministry, I’m convinced of two things regarding accountability. First, accountability is an absolute crucial component of spiritual and leadership development. Second, most men are clueless as to how to hold one another accountable.

My temptation is to write a lengthy exposition on the need for accountability and about the many relationships and activities masquerading as “accountability”. Instead, allow me to share some observations from the most effective accountability partnerships and groups I’ve encountered through the years: 

1.  Mutual trust is absolutely essential.

2.  The most effective accountability partners agree to be goal-oriented. As Christians, the goals should reflect a desire to close the gap between the man you are today and the man God created you to become. The goals may be a combination of dealing with sin or other unhealthy issues and focusing on positive improvements like becoming a better husband, dad, or business leader, but are most effective when they are not exclusively focused on negative issues. The goals evolve in long-term partnerships, but should always include specific, measurable, time-bound benchmarks for which one can be held accountable.

3. Consider the three basic learning styles: analytics, doers, and watchers. You’ll be most effective at helping one another and offering suggestions if you share the same learning style. Just ask yourself how you most often approach a task that is completely foreign to you. If your natural inclination is to study the manual or research online, you’re probably an analytic. If you tend to dive right in and learn on the run, you’re a doer. If you prefer watching someone else and emulating their process, you’re a watcher. We each learn all three ways, but most people gravitate toward one primary style most of the time. Trust me, it’s miserable trying to learn from someone one-on-one who insists on sharing in ways that don’t appeal to you. 

4.  Use written commitment sheets – recording specific, short-term, measurable goals. Even though most men start with lighter subjects as they build trust, it is important to have written goals from the beginning. If you fill your time together with anything in place of actual accountability, it is unlikely you’ll add it later.

5.  The most effective accountability partnerships are two-way, meaning each partner is both providing and receiving accountability. The goals and hurdles may be different, but to sustain the relationship effectiveness there must be transparency on both sides. One-way accountability, meaning one person providing accountability for the other with no opportunity for reciprocation, may work great short-term, but is seldom sustainable. If the primary goals are to overcome unhealthy patterns (addictions, anger outburst, pornography, laziness…), I strongly recommend that you choose a partner who does not have the same issues, as this often leads to relapse for one or the other, or both.

6.  The goal of an accountability partner is neither to “fix” his partner’s problems nor to judge or convict his partner. Each individual is responsible for bringing the issues to his accountability partner for which he needs accountability. The goal is then to help your partner achieve his goals. Prayer and Scripture are always valuable tools when offered to encourage and inspire. Be constructive, not destructive.  

7. Questions are invaluable tools in the process of accountability. Whether I’m addressing a goal aimed at improving practices (more consistent quiet times, investing in date nights with a spouse, writing thank you notes to clients…) or overcoming bad habits (pornography, drunkenness, holding a grudge…), I find many of the same kind of questions relevant and constructive. Here’s a list of questions I learned through the Center for Creative Leadership.

What are you doing or not doing that is getting in your way?

What alternatives might you imagine?

How could you look at the situation in a different way?

What is the cost of not making a change?

You say you can’t do that, but what would it look like if you could?

What is the next step for you?

How can I best support you?

Who else might you need to get involved?

What might get in the way?

What will you begin to do differently?                   Why?

What will that look like?

How will we measure progress?

There is much to learn about accountability, but it is not rocket science. It’s simply about two or three men deciding to commit to helping one another reach their goals by consistently reviewing those goals, affirming attainment and challenging and equipping one another to attain what each man has identified as worthy goals.  

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” says the wisest man whoever lived in Proverbs 27:17.