Wednesday

It’s Wednesday. Halfway through the week. Come 5 o’clock, many will feel like they’ve turned the corner. The ideas and opportunities ahead are suddenly bigger in thought than those of yesterday or even this morning. They throw their mindset in coast mode and seemingly frolic into the atmosphere of Friday afternoon. For others, the halfway of Wednesday ensues regret, an urgency, or a quick glance back at how fast time flew leading to a fervent rush to get it all done. Anticipating the end, they run hard. Wednesday leaves some people reeling with stress and exhaustion. Time for them brings angst, and they are often bitter or dismayed that it is only Wednesday. Last, a quiet, head-down group are impervious to Wednesday. They take the day as every other day in a blur and blend of endless work, chores, and activities. For them, the list of responsibilities and expectations is endless. Halfway doesn’t really matter when there is no finish line in sight.

Have you ever been in the Wednesday of a situation?

• Halfway through a circumstance that you cannot wait to leave. In vigor, you push to the end. Getting to the last sentence is all you crave.

• Halfway through you’re aware of or at least hopeful that you’ve passed the hardest part of an event. What lies ahead for you is a better day. The better day is your focal point, and the Wednesday of a situation definitely finds you in coasting mode.

• Halfway through seems like a short amount of progress. You’re in a story that has left you crawling, curled up, or bleeding out emotionally. In great sighs, you ponder if you’ll have the energy or drive to reach the last chapter. Wednesday only serves to remind you that there is so much more to tackle.

• Halfway through your days blend into days. The circumstance is endless in perspective. Without boundaries, there is no measurement; therefore, the Wednesday of your situation is a moot point.

Maybe, you have lived enough situations that you can relate to each of these responses. At some point, we have all been in the Wednesday of a situation.

In counseling, the Wednesday of a situation is quite real. We look for it. Wait for it. Anticipate it. Reach for it. Regret it. Muse over it. When marking progress, halfway is a milestone. Getting stuck there is a problem. Getting obsessed with the finish line when you’re halfway can also a problem. As is having no idea where halfway exist. When the Wednesday of a situation is lost, it makes the going difficult and laborious.

Thankfully, God understands Wednesdays. He sees them. Abides within them. He cares for the journey past and forward. Halfway through is where bright, springtime colored hope can fall like rain drenching us through and watering us to the dregs of our self. Halfway through is where we often find a resting spot – a refuge to catch our breath and be filled. Halfway though is where we can find clarity that life has become blurry. Halfway through is where we are given the opportunity to be grateful for every step taken and give all the ones ahead into God’s care.

Halfway through – the Wednesday of a situation is very real place. At Five Stones, it is our joy to meet you there, get you there, or help you discern the steps forward beyond halfway.

Blessings,

Jo Crosby

5 Ways to Reduce the Sting of Marriage Conflict

Marriage conflict is inevitable.

When two people come from different backgrounds, with different experiences, personalities, perspectives, and temperaments, there is bound to be friction. 

The absence of conflict is not a trait of great marriages. Having the commitment and tools to resolve conflict within the covenant of marriage helps move marriages from good to great. 

Here are five ways to reduce the sting of your marriage conflicts:

1. SIT.  Emotions are much more likely to escalate when we stand. Sit. Stay seated as you discuss your differences. You will find the emotional temperature is much more conducive to resolution if you each commit to staying seated during arguments. 

2. SIMPLIFY.  Each time a new issue is dumped on the table, your conflict gets exponentially more complex. Address one issue at a time. Avoid the temptation to defend yourself by diverting the conversation to other issues. Sure, they're all intertwined. And yes, it may seem like it takes longer to address one issue at a time. However, if you resolve each issue before moving on, you've accomplished far more than you would by overwhelming each other with multiple issues and not resolving anything. 

3. CLARIFY.  Active or reflective listening is meant to clarify your understanding of what your spouse is communicating. Allow your spouse to make a point. Then restate what you think your spouse meant to communicate. A great way to start is by leading with, "What I think you are saying is.....".  Then he/she can affirm or seek to correct your understanding. This process eliminates, or at least minimizes, guessing and assumptions. Each of these can derail your attempts to resolve conflict.

4. QUALIFY.  While simplifying and clarifying a conflict involves the content of your discussion, qualifying addresses the context. Qualifying can assure the timing, setting, and participation is agreeable to both parties. Examples of qualifying questions and/or comments are:

 Is this a good time to talk?

Could I have thirty minutes to unwind before we address this issue?

 Can we talk about this alone?

I need to talk with you about something difficult.

5. APOLOGIZE.  Pride and fear are the greatest adversaries of relationships. Nothing diffuses pride and fear like humility and the acceptance of responsibility. Apologize often and authentically. Great apologies include:

• an acknowledgment of something wrong 

• an understanding of the pain, cost, or inconvenience caused by the wrong 

• an admission of fallibility 

• and a commitment to seek to avoid repeating that wrong. 

Certainly this is not an exhaustive list, but these five actions will reduce the sting of most marriage conflict. 

Growing Deeper, 

John Crosby